st. Paul to 13th to Grant and straight on 'til morning
never trust a teetoatler.
one month without alcohol begins....now.
no. wait.
...now.
i'll update later today or the week with the official "list of shit you have to do when you're sober, like read. or sleep."
one month without alcohol begins....now.
no. wait.
...now.
i'll update later today or the week with the official "list of shit you have to do when you're sober, like read. or sleep."
posted by gijyun |
9.28.2005
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11:32 AM
hillary the big crybaby goes to the hospital
you remember hillary. she's the one who done gradumatated with a master's in landscape architecture (which does not, as she has corrected me on many occasions, have anything to do with interior design or "flower power"), and went to italy over the summer and crashed herself into a rock wall on a moped? no? i didn't tell you that story? oh man. it was a doozie.
anyway, she had a pretty massive concussion over there, and shattered her jaw and her collar bone, and a few weeks after having been shipped home, she kept whining about 'dizzy spells' and 'losing her train of thought' and 'ringing in her ears.'
i call that 'puss-itis.'
so, she said, socialist health care be damned! let's go to the hospital!
the hospital has make-shift, bi-lingual crybaby scales. hillary says her crybaby status was all the way at the top, right above "insecure" and "just plain confused."
she quit crying once i pointed out exactly where all the crybabies go.
while the doctor used big-kid words to explain that hillary was suffering from "post concussive syndrome," i did what any caring, concerned friend would do and stole tape from the ER and taped my fingers in a star trekky manner.
i want her to live long and prosper.
hillary also kindly asked that since they were overstocked with examination gloves that she be given a thorough examination, of the rectal kind.
diagnosis? chronic crybaby disorder and a clean bill of health. though i thoroughly recommend a lobotomy, you cheeky monkey.
posted by gijyun |
9.27.2005
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12:36 PM
i also vote republican and refuse to recycle.
don't you love it when you get all excited about posting a link to an mp3 of your favorite band covering your favorite song and go out of your way to even email it to people which maybe you shouldn't have done since all anyone is doing is calling your favorite band gay?
well, not that this helps or anything, but one time for halloween i dressed up like jennifer beals from flash dance for halloween and had to use some $0.99 tote slippers from walgreens for shoes because the ballet stores were closed.
anyway, i thought that was redeemingly clever of me.
well, not that this helps or anything, but one time for halloween i dressed up like jennifer beals from flash dance for halloween and had to use some $0.99 tote slippers from walgreens for shoes because the ballet stores were closed.
anyway, i thought that was redeemingly clever of me.
posted by gijyun |
9.26.2005
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2:58 PM
morphine and coffee
i know these two things to be true:
1. i visited the ER more than once this weekend, with separate, unrelated parties, that complained of the same symptoms. and, because i am rude, i plan to post phonecam pictures of it all tomorrow.
and
2. my favorite band covering my favorite song is like my birthday all over again, except without the adderall or mushrooms.
also, i've been on a retroactive kick and have rediscovered boys for pele. jeez.
happy monday!
1. i visited the ER more than once this weekend, with separate, unrelated parties, that complained of the same symptoms. and, because i am rude, i plan to post phonecam pictures of it all tomorrow.
and
2. my favorite band covering my favorite song is like my birthday all over again, except without the adderall or mushrooms.
also, i've been on a retroactive kick and have rediscovered boys for pele. jeez.
happy monday!
the pocket porn copywriter
because she is humble, or, as she puts it, "arrogant," my sister has made me keep secret for months a little-known fact that she'd been asked to submit a piece to a collection called Everything You Know About Sex is Wrong.
now available for purchase on amazon, her essay The Daily Schedule of a Porno Copywriter is nothing short of brilliant, and not because she's a viable candidate for my kidney transplant, either.
the book has some contributors that i'm really starting to like, like jen sincero and steve almond, author of my life in heavy metal.
so, if you'd like to have some charges stored safely for posterity in your bookshelves for life, grab a copy. i just bought two - one for me, and one for my kids, so that someday they might know that their aunt was a heathen who would would do anything for money.
you can send her your well wishes if you like for free, you cheap bastard.
also, i've been meaning to post about that heathen fiona apple's upcoming release, and kasey sent me a link this morning that dispels rumors about her album having been shelved by epic. i bet those who signed the online petition (like those ever work) feel pretty stupid right about now.
posted by gijyun |
9.22.2005
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10:51 AM
the problem with the west-mid-west
or, as we like to call it, "mountain standard time."
once in a while, especially with the help of the internets, denver gets a whiff of something east-way came.
be it a band, a book, or a blog, or a shoe, or a television show starring ted danson, every now and then we're able to either grab a trend before it breaks, or start it ourselves (but mostly, those are things like fast food conglomerates like chipotle or quiznos, neither of which i am ashamed).
but the problem with the information super-highway violating the diffusion of innovation (which means that by the time a trend reaches denver, it's already on it's way back from california, which means we already missed the boat...twice) and giving our highly educated populous the power to find things we like on our own, without having to wait for california to give us their leftovers, is that, say, for instance, you're blogging one day, and you read about a band from someone's 5 favorite albums of 2005(so far) list*, you find a few mp3s, dig them, and make a conscious effort to buy the album.
after making the concious decision to find the album at several decent record stores in the area, and all of them giving you the same "don't have it in, try the band's website" answer, you'll hear about the band ubiquitously for a while and then stop hearing about it all together.
until one day when you're taking a break from numbers and coffee, you see that an east-way comer posts something that, again, makes you feel embarrassed and mediocre (since you kind of always wondered if you should try sending something to mcsweeny's...but now, on second thought...) that includes a link to a board about the band you'd thought about and tried to find, pretty much saying it sucks and it's name sucks and it always sucked and people who like it suck and people who make fun of it suck and...yeah.
oh well. i went ahead and bought it online. i guess maybe so after they tour in california and maybe stop in denver, i can be the girl that goes to see the sucky band before everyone else goes and proclaims that they suck.
and if you pull "you're a poser who only likes the satisfaction of loving music earlier than other people," on me, i'll say you're wrong like everyone else, but we both know the truth. deep down.
i would write "sigh" here, but you'll probably tell me i suck.
fucking scenefuckers.
*note that this post was from june. that's how fast it moves.
once in a while, especially with the help of the internets, denver gets a whiff of something east-way came.be it a band, a book, or a blog, or a shoe, or a television show starring ted danson, every now and then we're able to either grab a trend before it breaks, or start it ourselves (but mostly, those are things like fast food conglomerates like chipotle or quiznos, neither of which i am ashamed).
but the problem with the information super-highway violating the diffusion of innovation (which means that by the time a trend reaches denver, it's already on it's way back from california, which means we already missed the boat...twice) and giving our highly educated populous the power to find things we like on our own, without having to wait for california to give us their leftovers, is that, say, for instance, you're blogging one day, and you read about a band from someone's 5 favorite albums of 2005(so far) list*, you find a few mp3s, dig them, and make a conscious effort to buy the album.
after making the concious decision to find the album at several decent record stores in the area, and all of them giving you the same "don't have it in, try the band's website" answer, you'll hear about the band ubiquitously for a while and then stop hearing about it all together.
until one day when you're taking a break from numbers and coffee, you see that an east-way comer posts something that, again, makes you feel embarrassed and mediocre (since you kind of always wondered if you should try sending something to mcsweeny's...but now, on second thought...) that includes a link to a board about the band you'd thought about and tried to find, pretty much saying it sucks and it's name sucks and it always sucked and people who like it suck and people who make fun of it suck and...yeah.
oh well. i went ahead and bought it online. i guess maybe so after they tour in california and maybe stop in denver, i can be the girl that goes to see the sucky band before everyone else goes and proclaims that they suck.
and if you pull "you're a poser who only likes the satisfaction of loving music earlier than other people," on me, i'll say you're wrong like everyone else, but we both know the truth. deep down.
i would write "sigh" here, but you'll probably tell me i suck.
fucking scenefuckers.
*note that this post was from june. that's how fast it moves.
posted by gijyun |
9.21.2005
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2:26 PM
our bodies are machines
when we were little, my dad used to tell us constantly that our "bodies are machines."
i think he did this in an effort to tell us to exercise, eat right, you get out what you put in, you need fuel, you need rest, etc.
what this actually brought into fruition is that when i was little, i actually thought we were all robots.
seriously.
i knew we had souls and that we felt pain and joy and all that nonsense, but i literally thought that the inside of your body looked something like the factory that edward furlong ran around at the end of terminator 2: lots of metal grating and protective handle bars that prevented the machine workers from plummeting into the depths of your rancid stomach acids and other pitfalls of intestinal tracts.
i was also under the impression that your stomach had separate compartments, and that when someone said "i had too much junk food today," it meant their junk food compartment was full.
this explained why, as a major fan of ketchup as a kid, one day i told my mom my "ketchup compartment was full." still, to this day, i cannot look, touch, smell, or be in the same general vicinity as ketchup or common condiments (and before you tell me i'm out of my gourd, why don't you think about what you're actually eating there, you sick, sick fuck).
the workers that ran your bio-machine wore white jumpsuits and engineer hats and were grouped about four per appendage, and slightly more for your thorax (if robots can be considered to have thoraxes), and three in your head (one for normal days, one for sad days and one for happy days, and, for instance, when you were sad, it just meant the other two workers were sleeping, and you just had to wait for them to wake up to feel better. my sister has other explanations for this phenomenon).
itches were actually the workers poking you from below to say hi. i wondered what the deciding factor was in making someone a person or an inside-person worker.
yeah, i had a pretty vivid imagination, and like, no friends, and stuff like this makes perfect sense to me.
but seriously, ketchup can go straight to hell.
i think he did this in an effort to tell us to exercise, eat right, you get out what you put in, you need fuel, you need rest, etc.
what this actually brought into fruition is that when i was little, i actually thought we were all robots.
seriously.
i knew we had souls and that we felt pain and joy and all that nonsense, but i literally thought that the inside of your body looked something like the factory that edward furlong ran around at the end of terminator 2: lots of metal grating and protective handle bars that prevented the machine workers from plummeting into the depths of your rancid stomach acids and other pitfalls of intestinal tracts.
i was also under the impression that your stomach had separate compartments, and that when someone said "i had too much junk food today," it meant their junk food compartment was full.
this explained why, as a major fan of ketchup as a kid, one day i told my mom my "ketchup compartment was full." still, to this day, i cannot look, touch, smell, or be in the same general vicinity as ketchup or common condiments (and before you tell me i'm out of my gourd, why don't you think about what you're actually eating there, you sick, sick fuck).
the workers that ran your bio-machine wore white jumpsuits and engineer hats and were grouped about four per appendage, and slightly more for your thorax (if robots can be considered to have thoraxes), and three in your head (one for normal days, one for sad days and one for happy days, and, for instance, when you were sad, it just meant the other two workers were sleeping, and you just had to wait for them to wake up to feel better. my sister has other explanations for this phenomenon).
itches were actually the workers poking you from below to say hi. i wondered what the deciding factor was in making someone a person or an inside-person worker.
yeah, i had a pretty vivid imagination, and like, no friends, and stuff like this makes perfect sense to me.
but seriously, ketchup can go straight to hell.
posted by gijyun |
9.16.2005
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9:18 AM
funny thing is i wan't in aurora yesterday.
god, denver's craigslist sucks.
and dude, i'd be weary of girls who drive their car on the campus. you don't want to run with the wrong crowd.
bloc party this friday, anyone?
and dude, i'd be weary of girls who drive their car on the campus. you don't want to run with the wrong crowd.
bloc party this friday, anyone?
posted by gijyun |
9.14.2005
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8:50 AM
eva longoria coast to coast
greetings from outer space! are you as shocked as i that we're still on the air, zorack?
....yyyyyes!
splendid! me too. you know what i always say: terrible ratings won't stop ME from broadcasting!
but you don't HAVE terrible ratings!
silence! calling me a liar on air won't help anything! can't you be glad that we don't have to deal with natural disasters in outer space?
*crickets chirp*
....yyyyyes!
your point?
we're fortunate enough to have our own natural disaster as a guest tonight. i think she's tuning in....
are you there, space ghost? it's me, eva longoria, from prime time television's blockbusting hit desperate housewives!
hello, eva! thanks so much for giving us a chance to chat. my, you do look dashing in that space suit!
oh, it's not a space suit! it's a designer swimsuit that i recently wore on national television. i'm not going to let a measely hurricane stop ME from wearing a swimsuit!
you mean the one that displaced thousands of people and killed just as many?
classy!
that's the one! but it's cool, because right after i wore this get up i filmed a PSA asking people to donate money. i'm a philanthropist, you know.
"philanthropy..." is that what its called when you date an NBA star ten years your junior?
....yyyyyes!
would you like to donate to the cause?
i would love to, but moltar owes me money from the last time we came into contact with someone wearing a space suit like yours. he still has a rash.
quiet, you!
i have to go - my publicist is calling. something about 'damage control.' must have something to do with nicolette sheridan's ass. that thing doesn't quit.
well good luck to you and yours, eva! don't let the vaporizer hit you on the way out.
posted by gijyun |
9.12.2005
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11:23 AM
friday potpourri
today is the company birthday/hawaiian luau barbeque.
come on, you should know by now i don't make this shit up.
but if, by chance, you're not fortunate enough to be having a luau of your own, here's some of my most favoritest, seriously underrated links ever.
Brightness Falls
Nervous Breakdown
Teenage Unicorn
Anchored Nomad
Rollertrain
My Old Kentucky Blog
True Enough for You
...and if all else fails, there's always instant messaging with Kasey, which i heartily recommend to anyone.
come on, you should know by now i don't make this shit up.
but if, by chance, you're not fortunate enough to be having a luau of your own, here's some of my most favoritest, seriously underrated links ever.
Brightness Falls
Nervous Breakdown
Teenage Unicorn
Anchored Nomad
Rollertrain
My Old Kentucky Blog
True Enough for You
...and if all else fails, there's always instant messaging with Kasey, which i heartily recommend to anyone.
posted by gijyun |
9.09.2005
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11:33 AM
football season is over
hunter s. thompson's suicide note:
in lighter news, i'm quite serious about becoming a lounge singer, and i'm looking for costume ideas. your help is appreciated.
football season is over
No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun - for anybody. 67.
You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax - This won't hurt.
in lighter news, i'm quite serious about becoming a lounge singer, and i'm looking for costume ideas. your help is appreciated.
posted by gijyun |
9.08.2005
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11:33 AM
fill in the blank.
silly __________, __________s are for __________s.
posted by gijyun |
9.07.2005
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8:58 AM
just in: things still sucking
posted by gijyun |
9.01.2005
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5:23 PM
dear 25:
long story short:
hi, i'm anne, nice to meet you, blah blah blah. come in and make yourself comfy. the dog will be happy to show you around.
i kept having all of these assuredly brilliant things to write about my birthday, but seriously, can i level with you? because i'm not joking - i have a staff meeting in twenty minutes.
the topic? timesheets and project codes.
not.
fucking.
joking.
glad you could make it -
anne
p.s. get settled. know why? my fucking awesomest friends in the whole world gave me a surprise party. know what's more awesomer than that? for my gift this year, they all chipped in and got me piano lessons.
that's right. piano lessons. how sweet is that?
watch out, ben folds. rufus, i'm looking your way. tori, fiona, nellie mckay, i'm comin' outta the booth.
hi, i'm anne, nice to meet you, blah blah blah. come in and make yourself comfy. the dog will be happy to show you around.
i kept having all of these assuredly brilliant things to write about my birthday, but seriously, can i level with you? because i'm not joking - i have a staff meeting in twenty minutes.
the topic? timesheets and project codes.
not.
fucking.
joking.
glad you could make it -
anne
p.s. get settled. know why? my fucking awesomest friends in the whole world gave me a surprise party. know what's more awesomer than that? for my gift this year, they all chipped in and got me piano lessons.
that's right. piano lessons. how sweet is that?
watch out, ben folds. rufus, i'm looking your way. tori, fiona, nellie mckay, i'm comin' outta the booth.
