let me start by saying i really loved you. no fucking fooling.

you're great after a bad day and fantasic in the sack, but something's just not clicking with us lately.

i feel like all i do is pay for you. you make me make bad decisions. you make me angry when i just want to have a good time. you make me feel terrible about myself in the morning and i don't need that. not from you.

you never come with a good slice of lime anymore, which is just obscene, and you refuse to help around the house and that's just selfish.

plus, i realized i think i hate tonic, and that's a problem.

you don't inspire me anymore. you're a mess.

so i think it's time we started seeing others. you know, play the field. like someone who doesn't take themselves so seriously. or someone who's a little less obtrusive. or even someone who's blatantly honest and straight to the point.

come on, don't be like that. we spent a solid eight years together. you remember the good times.

i'm sure i'll see you around. i mean, it's clear you're going to be at every bar i frequent from here to eternity, so we might as well bury the hatchet now.

plus, i've already started seeing someone else. someone less high-maintenance, who doesn't require a garnish.

don't call me anymore.

love, anne